vacancy signs

well...it has been 9 days since i began my weight "management" program at uci...and this week has yielded a loss of 6.2 pounds. yes.... ".2"....i am grabbing it..holding on to it as part of my total... and not rounding down...although rounding down is the objective of this journey~


  i have to admit i am feeling more energized, all my blood pressure meds have already been cut in half,  and i am now walking more and taking stairs..proceeding up ramps, and even standing without feeling as though i need to pridefully pretend that i am not embarrassingly short of breath...so this is a very good thing.


 i have  had a few  remarkable and relevant epiphanies ....newly cleansed of so much excess fat and sugar.... which is the surprise that of all foods the one i continue to deeply crave...is bread. i am nearly obsessed with the lack of it....and i am not sure i could be trusted to be alone in a room with a fresh loaf....that and a reeses.....who would have thought that my highly cultivated gourmet pallet would have such pedestrian yearnings....


the other interesting phenomena during this past week on the regime, has been the fact that i feel...vacant. i can consume ounces upon ounces of liquid, veggies, fruit and the small entrees the program provides, and be more vacant feeling at the end of the "meal"...than when i started. it is a gnawing sort of vacant that churns and grows and becomes a glaring neon light inside me until i find a distraction from it in some activity or conversation ~  i am wondering if this vacant feeling is the place that i have been filling up with addictive food....and perhaps is in my spirit..... more than in my gut?....?


i have received an outpouring of support and encouragement..in openly spoken ways and small quiet ways that have contributed to my success in surviving this first week.....even from some unexpected sources for which i am so grateful and humbled..although i admit,i am a little sobered when i realize that not one person with whom  i have shared that i am doing a program  quite this drastic...has asked.."why?"  lol ....


and so i willingly endure and leave up my vacancy sign....and wonder what and who might come to reside to fill the space with love and light...rather than sugar and fat....   ~<3 more to follow....~